Monday, August 20, 2012

Good News?


Well I went to Church for the Sunday Service yesterday. However, this article has nothing to do with the good news or the word of god.

I have been married for about 16 months now and people who I know frequently ask me a question. Yes, this question is about the Good News. I was not so prepared to answer this question the first few times. Frankly, I did not expect so many relatives to ask me this question. However, now it has got to a point where I felt I should write about my experience so far.

Well for all people who yet do not know what good news means? This means people around you are actually interested in knowing when you intend to become a parent.

I cannot understand why everyone around is so interested in knowing about this. What pleasure do they get in knowing about this? I feel relatives must leave this decision to the married couple alone, as in a way this is invading in their married life. I wonder if this is one way of finding out whether the couple is sexually active. I know that no one would have the guts to ask that question straightforward. Hence, probably they ask this question.

For the start, I did not even know what my uncles, aunties, cousins, and colleagues were trying to ask me:
  •          So when is the family expanding?
  •          Are you hiding anything?
  •          How is your wife’s health doing?

Yes, all of these questions meant only one thing. When do you intend to become a parent? Worst part was recently I was asked a question by a relative who happened to be a bachelor. He asked, “When are you giving the good news?” This question came unexpectedly. His parents did not bother to ask me that. This person is yet to get married. Wondering, what pleasure it would give him in hearing about the good news.

My wife’s and my first family have never asked this question and I respect them for that.  Infact, as I understand, my parents never asked this question to anyone else in the family. Still everyone around considers this as their moral right and ask this question without any shame.

I have replied to this question in my anger a couple of times. Six months into my marriage, one elderly uncle asked me this question. I told him uncle, your son took 5 years to become a parent, give me some consideration atleast. That made him quiet. I guess my response stunned him. I wonder if this happens only in Indian culture, or relatives in all countries subject married couples to this question.

Well, I would not like to share private details with everyone around on when I plan to raise a family. When the time comes and with god’s blessings, everyone will get the good news. I wonder what is there to hide when the times does come.

Well, I have always been a planner. For all who do not know, I jokingly told my friends about 3-4 years back that I would get married on May 7, 2011. Yes, I did that. Well this is the day my parents got married in 1971. I always thought that I would get married when I was 29-30, which I again did. I know you might ask me whether I am serious when I tell you that my wife’s parents also got married on that same date many years back. Well, this was a real co-incidence. That was not in my list J

I wonder if the next time people around me do ask me about the good news, I should just state, 05/10/15. This date is not in my list either. J However, that should make a few people quiet for the time being atleast.

If you are married, did you face this question? How did you handle this situation? 

12 comments:

Lokesh said...

Although I ain't married, but I agree with you, totally. I know many friends who've screwed under the pressure. Keep it up, bro. Make your own decisions. Feck the wreck.

DenziL said...

I agree with your views. All our life, there is pressure. When in school, pressure to perform well for SSc, then HSC, then the career path, then the job, then the marriage and then a child. Its time people and well wishers understand that when it comes to private matters its better to giving the married couples privacy. They are quite grown ups to plan their life.

Unknown said...

Hi cedric,

Alok here. Well I have been married about 20 months and I have been hammered by this question umpteem number of times. Well, I am successful quite a no. Of times in handling this question by answering wierdly but sometimes that's d way to do it.
Looking from the different perspective our adults and close relatives are sometimes our well wishers and they seem its their duty to remind us of starting our family before its too late.
Well my parents know me very well and they haven't asked this question once as well rest I don't care.
Well congratulations a good blog.
Alok.

apurba said...

Aree , very well Said Bro . People are more interested in knowing others life. That is what Indian Traditional Society Value is :). We have got our own commitments , and our own responsibility and i think from next time i will wear a t shirt with the Details of one Commitments and responsibilty with A TAG LINE :- I am married but Yet No good News !! and also i beleive that you are extreamly Good planner , i pray to god may he fullfill your Time plan also on time.

Cheer's
Apurba

IPO said...

Nice post...i agree with u totally.

jedi said...

I think they ask because after marriage, there's no real big news except the birth of a child!

Earlier, I used to bite the heads off of people over this. But as I grow older, I just smile and walk away, without hurting people who just mean well.

Mugdha said...

Well I guess people are interested in others' lives a lot.. Till the time you are single, they will badger you with the "good news" about marriage - then as soon as you are married - "good news" is the birth of the child.. As if you have nothing else to do in life..

When I delivered my first child and was yet to be discharged and still come home with the baby, one of my so called well wisher and relative who came to meet me commented " Good to have a boy as your first child, now take another chance and pray its a girl".. It took me immense will power to not scream at the relative :) Imagine...

Mini Pillai said...

Nice Blog. This reminds me of One of my cousin who was married for just 2 mnth and she was asked this question just bcos her husband was in cruise and once he goes he will come after 6/8 mnths

ASP said...

Hi

I really agree with you.
Well I have been married about 6moths and the question has been knocking my ear like a alarm.
Good blog.
Wish you a happy life

Unknown said...

A very nice one Cedric :).... I am sure No one else apart from you can understand how pathetic one feels when someone wants to investigate in ur personal life and specially about something in your life u not sure about urself:).... Similar feeling is when someone ask about getting married.... :):D

Savvy said...

Interesting blog indeed very direct from the heart too...As for my thoughts ... These lines from one of my blogs seemed apt Cedric... Just carry on...
Dancing with the awareness of the breath,
Observing the stillness
Flowing with the movement,
Knowing that time is eternal
You are transcedental,
Elevating the thoughts
Into harmonious actions,
Subliming the conflicts
With the strength of the connection
Acting, reacting like responding , giving


Realizing all that is needed will be realized
and then discovering there is much much more
In that which is around you and just so within
Knowing your path and journey is simply in the sharing
Its in the giving from the receiving ....
After all, life's greatest joy is in the sharing...


Ayananta said...

Hey Cedric, it was interesting to go through your "Good News" write-up. I suppose, people casually ask this question, for which, I believe, even they really do not expect a serious factual answer. The query can be played-around and in-a-way dismissed - with a frivolous reply in light-humour. :)